The Smoke Yourself Slim Diet

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The Smoke Yourself Slim Diet

Post by Dan »

Post by Dan on Apr 8, 2019 at 9:54pm
The Smoke Yourself Slim Diet

The image of women greatly changed with the dawn of cinema. Soon many ladies were taking on the role model of their silver screen idols, the steriotipical slim woman. This became a fashion amnong women to try to stay slim, in the hope that men would find them more appealing. This became a cultural phenomenon we know today as dieting, or "trying to stay slim". There are many ways to do this, so lets take a look at two of them in this quick guide.

The Origin of the SYS Diet
The Hollywood actress Jane Fonda needed to lose a little weight for roles over the years. The story goes that during the filming of a movie (Most likely On Golden Pond), she wanted to lose just a bit of size, just to look extra meek and frail. According to an insider on the movie (I wish I could find the link to where I read it), she simply went away and smoked cigarettes for a few weeks, and came back looking as fresh as a daisy. A journalist asked her "How do you keep yourself looking so slim?", to which Fonda replied "oh, you know...I have a routine". The result was the Jane Fonda Workout; the most influential slimming video perhaps in history. In reality, Jane carried on smoking a pack a day, and got on with her life.

N.B. - The whole 'Workout' thing seems crazy, as it makes you more hungry, so you eat more!
Smoking can also draw in the cheek structure, which elaborates the cheek bones and keep the skin tight in those areas, leading to less wrinkles. You may have seen in one of my other articles, how wearing smoking glasses can reduce wrinkles around the eyes, and reduces sun glare and squinting.

The Basics of the SYS Diet

I notice certain TV shows are now giving away diet tips and how to save a fortune while you are slimming. This article is the cheapest diet on Earth (if you can source your cigs at a cheap price). The basics of a diet are very simple, and not what you might think. The issue is most people have some kind of food intolerance, but they dont know it. People who are allergic to wheat might store this within their body, to process later, and they dont realise the wheat in the pastries and breads they eat are the thing which is the problem. This is made more of a problem because those products are the tastiest products to buy, and lifes too short to not enjoy food and life.

If you are the type of person who lives a fast life, perhaps someone who is always moving or on the road, or someone who is always busy - with little time to stop and eat, then this solution might be right up your street. If (like me) you are a lazy sort when it comes to food, and cant be bothered to make meals, then this might also interest you.

The Human body needs 4 key building blocks for optimum life support.
1. Carbohydrate
2. Protein
3. Fat + Vitamins and Minerals
Its like building a wall. The Carbohydrate (carbon-water) gives the body energy, and this energy is the builder which builds the wall. The Protein provides the bricks, and the fat and vitamins combine to provide the mortar, which holds everything together. If any of those elements are missing, the wall is going to be weak and likely to bulge. The type of materials used for the wall also make a huge difference, as a wall made from Turkey Roll and Sausages will have a different quality to one made from Prime Beef.

The best source of Carbohydrate in the Middle East - all the way to the Far East, is Rice. Rice is refined Carbohydrate rather than saturated carbohydrate found in potatoes. Rice has also been ripened by the sun, and so all of those sun energies will have gone in there, rather than something which was buried underground. If you live in the West, the finest source of Carbohydrate is from Eggs, and maybe also wheat. If you combine those together you get Pasta, and this is very common in Mediterranean countries.

The best source of Protein is also eggs, but also from Milk. In this case, if we put lots of energy into the milk, it turns eventually to Cheese. There is good cheese and bad cheese. Good cheese includes Goats Cheese, Feta and Parmesan.

The best source of fat is oil, specifically Olive Oil, or if the live in the East, Fish Oil. Lastly, herbs and species are best used for the vitamins and minerals. General fresh herbs are fine, but one of the best ways to get vitamins is from sun dried tomatoes (again, the sun makes the energy). In the West we have something called Pesto - a combination of herbs and spices, or sun dried tomatoes, - sealed with fine Olive Oil.

Dont forget the magic ingredient - water! Everything on this planet drinks water, except for Humans, even though it is the liquid of life. Water means the bricks for our wall (and ingredients) are floated in more quickly, so the wall is built much more quickly, and all the waste is washed away, making the final wall nice and clean.

Combine those ingredients in any way you like, and you have your miracle diet. For example, you could mix sun-dried tomatoes, feta and olives, for a pizza, a lasagna, soup or salad, with a mixed fruit natural yogurt or avocado desert. Nothing could be healthier.

In my studies with my wife, she ate two bowls of hot Pasta, Pesto and Parmesan for a month, and lost a noticeable amount. She ate it for Breakfast and Lunch, and had a normal dinner, and normal evening. She balanced her diet so that eating the bad stuff was counterbalanced by the good stuff. She made a batch of it the night before, and put it in Tupperware containers for the day after, to be heated in the microwave. It meant she could travel with it, and eat at any time, and still have a proper meal at night. No more feeling hungry and snacking on munchies during the daytime either.

Of course my wife also smoked and this took away her appetite enough to skip those snacks which make a huge difference. Smoking in the car also expands the lungs, and makes the heart beat faster, which gives the body a small internal workout, instead of just sitting there holding a wheel. The chances are you open a window and let fresh air in, which non-smokers dont tend to do and rely on air conditioning. It also keeps your hands and your brain active, so you dont fall asleep listening to Radio 2.

The SYS diet means you can smoke cigarettes, but as we know, more than a pack per day is not going to give you any greater benefits, it is simply going to be more expensive to keep up with the habit. Instead I recommend 10 cigs per day, and stretch them out like a reward. In that way you save money on your favourite hobby, and makes each one feel extra special - reducing the daily cost of the SYS diet down to around $5/£6 a day. You could easily spend that amount on a single meal, or maybe four times as much in a restaurant, but instead you could eat and smoke for a whole day just for five bucks. So its cheap and effective.

The opinions expressed in this article are presented as satire. Please consult your doctor and everybody else who legally supports you, before you undertake anything printed in the above. The article is not to be taken as advice. It is not based on scientifically proven studies, and is not an official recommendation of the scientific community - who would have us all as boring as they are. This article is based on the opinion of the author, and the smoking part, and/or the diet, is entirely optional.

Post by AusNick on Apr 10, 2019 at 9:54am
Thanks for the insights, Dan.

And I'm sorry mate, but I'm going to share this one, it's just too good not to.

Edit: Having had a good read, you do raise a couple of good points, one in particular being limiting the number of cigarettes consumed each day. I'm in the process of writing an essay on that very topic where I've cited your work on How To Smoke Cigarettes - A Practical Guide. There are practical benefits with regard to both Health and Wealth, when a little moderation is exercised, not only is money saved in the long term, but the individual's stamina and overall health are improved. Sadly, when tobacco was brought from the Old World to the New World, the wisdom did not come with it, and generations have suffered as a result. We find ourselves in the current anti-smoking and anti-tobacco climate because of exactly this; we did not heed the wisdom of ages, from centuries and millennia past when we were gifted with Tobacco. The instructional essay: Smoking - Ritual and Magic, supports a similar view, albeit from a shamanistic and ritualistic perspective.

I believe it's not too late to change things. If the smoking culture were to change, everyone wins. I went to college with a young lady who used to smoke 5 cigarettes a day, so a pack (of 30) used to last her almost a week, and she had no trouble in keeping up with the non-smokers, unlike the pack-a-day or more smokers who struggled. The biggest benefit to moderation is it allows you to binge on occasion, just like if you drink, it's okay to get drunk every now and then.

Post by Dan on Apr 10, 2019 at 4:46pm
Yes, its easy to forget that many centuries before The Bible, smoking was originally a sacred herb used to ascend the mind and spirit to the height or level of the Gods. To be fair, as I wrote somewhere else, they smoked endless cigars per day to get them this stoned, but they made it possible. Some people say smoking helps to bring them closer to God, because it helps to lift the mind to thoughts of contemplation, - while alcohol takes away cares and considerations for you, and brushes them aside. There is room in life for both things. Fermented red grapes (Wine) has been proven to be incredibly good for the body, if taken very moderately. I think 'everything in moderation' is sound wisdom, and means we can have whatever we want, without making ourselves feel guilty for licking our lips on life's pleasures.

edit: I updated the ingredients above to include some examples, and added Sun-dried tomatoes.

Post by AusNick on Apr 11, 2019 at 6:57am
The 'High' a smoker might get from smoking certain tobaccos, isn't from the cocktail of adulterants that are added typically to produce a uniform flavour (though a lot of the additives also serve other functions), but the way the tobacco is treated after harvesting. Typically when the leaves are picked, they're dried and cured, which actually destroys a lot of the Nicotine in the leaf. Whereas if the leaf is only dried, the Nicotine is retained and is largely unaffected. So the smoker will feel an intense (although short) high from smoking, rather than feeling sick because Nicotine is pretty much hammered into your bloodstream because the tobacco company adulterated the tobacco with Ammonia (and over 400 other chemicals).

From what I've read, Native Americans smoke uncured tobacco, which as mentioned above is quite potent, I recall reading, and from memory the words used were "One cigarette will knock you on your ass."

I suppose this can be best illustrated by the Vietnamese Thuốc lào (Vietnamese Tobacco), which is only dried, not cured, and is primarily smoked in a Điếu cày (Farmer’s Pipe) which resembles (and is often mistaken for and misused as) a Bong, there are videos of this stuff on YouTube, which are as amusing as they are educational. I'd post links, but doing so would probably be a content violation. But a search with any of the Vietnamese terms should give some useful results, otherwise you'll see videos with titles like 'women smokes heroin in bong'. I don't know if people that post with those titles are ignorant or are click-baiting, because in reality, it's relatively harmless tobacco being smoked in a pipe, not what people claim it is.

That said, I could have it completely wrong myself, though I did verify with as many sources as I could find. When I learned about it myself, I thought it would be a valuable addition to Smoking by Denise, so I've done a fair bit of research.

Regarding moderation, as I was jotting down thoughts for the essay, I wondered how different the world would be if people smoked according more to a routine or ritual, rather than on a whim. Smoking rates would be through the roof, while smoking-related illnesses would be virtually unheard of, because everyone would be smoking far less than people do now. As for ritual smoking, say one after each meal, and maybe a couple more throughout the day, there would be no 'need' to go and smoke, nobody would crave a smoke, because nobody would smoke enough for cravings to develop. There would of course be 'addicted' smokers, but they would be treated the same as any other alcohol or drug addict - with counseling and rehabilitation. And should someone develop a smoker's cough, it would be no trouble for the person to reduce the amount they smoked, or even stop, and if the smoker missed one or two a day, they'd probably barely notice. And as I said above, having such a culture, it would be permissible to binge every now and then with no residual or ongoing effect. You could smoke in most places, with few restrictions, which would be for sensible reasons. Tobacco would be a staple, it would be cheap and ubiquitous. I doubt cigarettes as we know them would exist. And the global industry wouldn't be ruled by a handful of companies, rather by hundreds servicing whatever local region, as tobacco would be regarded as primary produce.

If things were done right, the world would be a radically different place for smokers.

Post by Dan on Apr 11, 2019 at 7:28pm

Lets not over-think things with what if's. Every-body is different, and while some will see their body as a nagging spoiled child, and cater for every whim, others will see the spoiled child and say "No, wait for a bit".

Those micro-trace elements are harmless natural chemicals which dont affect the high, and just the burn and the hit. The cancer element is in how it is dried, from the gas tobacco produces - the rest is all sweeteners and flavourings and trace elements so small, they are safe for human consumption. The companies who make cigs dont make them deliberately harmful to smoke them, otherwise nobody would be around to smoke them.

I dont mind if folks smoke packs per day, as thats free choice (and especially if she records it for youtube), and thats better than having no free choice at all, like in Europe today they dont give the product a chance. In America smoking is treated like a birth-right for adults, while in Europe it is being demonised and prohibited, as age restrictions and prices are going through the roof. I say smoke freely, as many as you want to smoke, while you can smoke - and before the whole world is swamped in filthy-looking packs covered with lies and blatantly deceptive images. The inspiration for this article was when I heard on the radio the other day "1 in 5 people die every day from an unhealthy diet", and it made me realise that "1 in 5 people die from drinking", "1 in 5 die from smoking", and "1 in 5 die from Heart Disease or Strokes", so smoking is statistically healthier than eating badly.
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